(Originally written on June 28, 2013, but edited the essay for the purpose of this blog.)
It was in the weirdest form, I tell you. When I was about to shed another tear, I grabbed Rizal: Without an Overcoat, read it from cover to cover, and started regaining my geeky side.
I was surprised how heartbreak affected my leisurely reading; I learned to appreciate our National Hero in a totally different perspective.
It was a eureka moment. Had you been able to read my mind then, I was like: “Sir Ambeth Ocampo, you have done your duty well. I was able to understand why I was torn to pieces.”
Our veteran historian could probably be laughing while reading these words, now that I have made him my love doctor indirectly.
What is this all about?
Just as I was reading Rizal’s exile in Dapitan and his relationship with Josephine Bracken, I realized why the guys I am attracted to are so unattached and stoic. It’s because they have other goals than marriage.
For Rizal, it’s about freeing the country. Quite a noble reason, I say. If I were his girlfriend, I could have let him do what he wanted. I could give him all the freedom, and I’d still be there for him all the way.
Sure, I was reading a lot of those self-help and love books, but all I get are abstract ideas. But Rizal— he made everything concrete.
Would Rizal marry Josephine bracken hadn’t he died? Perhaps, if he had succeeded liberating the country. Marrying would mean that he would be a father. An advocate for a great social change just couldn’t afford to have children. So much time will be taken from him. Instead of doing his research and brainstorming with his Propaganda Movement, he’d be probably cleaning his baby’s poop at 2 AM.
Is that possible even at a time where women do all the household chores? Perhaps. The Great Malayan is a nonconformist, anyway. At least, that’s how I view it. But if not, parenting will still make him do other filial things rather than planning for our freedom.
Still, I see Rizal as an ordinary man who still needs company, love and emotional security, in contrast to what his religious cults say that he is a deity disguising as a mortal.
Rizal is no different from all the men I loved. They also need such components for emotional health. I was just too clingy and too nagging in the past. Most guys find that annoying, especially if they are working for a greater cause. But now, I have learned so much from those mistakes.
Never mind those guys whom I loved. Here’s one man who convinced me that I need to fulfill my destiny, just like what he did.
Gone are the days when I just know Rizal because of a long exam and a surprise test. Gone are the days when Rizal was just an ordinary statue in Luneta. Or an inanimate personality only remembered every June 19 and December 30.
Here’s the man who has been an epitome of non-conformity and classic rebellion— the same man who has extraordinarily made me realize that I need to empathize with the male species more. Kudos to you, the cool guy on the one-peso coin. Realizing my stupidity had never been this creative, had not it been through your inspiring life.
I never knew that his impact could be this great. My friends could have probably been wondering why I blurt out ‘Rizal? Idol ko yan!’ so confidently. Now they do. They could all be laughing too.
And Sir Ambeth, may you write more vivid anecdotes about our heroes more. Who knows what creative minds can come up with? Maybe someday, a teenage girl could realize her dancing mistakes because of Andres Bonifacio.
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